Hola Amigas/os,
I have found it hard to apologize when I am embarrassed by my actions or words. If I am joking in conversation and say something to take the conversation, and joke, to a more serious level and am called out on it I instantly become embarrassed and start to defend what I said. When, in reality, if I just stop for a minute, and immediately apologize then my ego is not bruised and neither is the other person's.
I also find apologizing, or not, is all about ego.
The reason I cannot and will not apologize (Sam I Am) is because my ego is or can be bruised (it is redundant but it is the truth).
What happens next…the relationship becomes frail, uncomfortable, undone. If I do not address the pink elephant in the room it will stay there occupying precious space. The space needed to have the conversation I have talked about on many other occasions. The space to take responsibility for my actions and say "I'm sorry" and to value my relationships.
I do it with my daughter. I take responsibility by apologizing, explaining to her what happened, wether I was right or wrong. A space is then created when she and I can have honest communication. It is very challenging with a 6 year old. It can be just as challenging with a 76 year old, my father. Age does not matter when it comes to taking responsibility for the relationship and myself.
Apologizing allows me to see I have hurt another person. There is no right or wrong when someone is hurt. Even if I am pointing out the truth of a situation I do not agree with, if the person is offended, I apologize. So my ego says "you're right in telling the truth" but by offending someone my ego deflates (no punt, I mean pun intended), I save a bond, and come back to earth feeling lighter.
All it takes to do it consistently is practice, practice, practice. Having a 6 year old helps me with the practice.
Practice on your self. When you think an unkind thought of yourself or someone else mentally take responsibility, apologize, smile and keep it moving.
With Love and an apology if I have ever offended you,
AlwaysAmiga Marilyn
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